Ganseys. Kapitein, Danger Mouse and Gavalus Gavalar...

Goodness me!! Where to begin!!
Poor Kapitein has been a wee bit neglected of late. I have been so busy here at the Homestead, I think I saw him the other day, well, I think it was him busying away in the inner sanctum. His beard and other things are nearly down to his knees it's been so long... 
I decided to check out the sheep shearing equipment, ahead of this years annual clip,  so I dragged him out and set about the task of shearing Kapitein, with very good results apart from the nose hair which is very very difficult given the size of the comb on the shearer. Kapitein isn't like a Hebridean sheep (which fights to it's last breath) he is more compliant, though not entirely. Despite the look of terror in his eyes, a couple of elastoplasts later and the nose hair had been successfully trimmed to an acceptable length, this allows him to appear in public again without frightening any of the tourists that have now descended on the island.

Kapitein has also resumed scraping 'barnacles' off his bottom - it is amazing what he is inspired to do when the sun shines! He needed industrial machinery this time as tentative scratching at his bottom had little effect.  He did change his appearance somewhat whilst he worked, sporting a nice shade of royal blue on his bonce! - this was just in case anyone recognised him, as it isn't every day you see folk scraping their bottom with a sander now is it!! Then to my amazement, he started polishing his sides, buffing so furiously his arms ached, I've never seen someone buff with such vigour. I tempted him in for some sustenance - after his complexion became a deep red, then had the onerous task of encouraging him to remove his hair dye, it took more than a little gentle persuasion, I can tell you as I think he quite liked it. But with the offer of tripping the light fantastic at the Ceilidh later in the evening, thank goodness, he gave in. Kapitein did do some dancing at the Ceilidh.
The Ceilidh raised in excess of £400.00 for the Marie Curie Cancer Care fund. Well done to Hollie for organising things.    

I have been off island to catch up with all things 'mainland'  but, latterly  when I go off, the ferry seems to be cancelled when I am due to return- the occasional high winds of over 50 knots does hamper berthing here on Colonsay. (No! I'm not the jinx - honest!) However, my last trip, I had to make alternative arrangements to get back home - namely flying back on the Saturday morning Scholar flight. I did bring with me a very special person. She informed me she was a nervous flyer, and with winds of over 30 knots, I was a little apprehensive to say the least as to how she would cope with the wee bumps you can experience whilst flying. However, all of her fears - and mine, were allayed as Hebridean Air Services pilot, Alan - the veteran boy racer of the flying world, brought us safely to Colonsay unfettered. A fantastic flying experience, especially as we flew over Balnahard and Kiloran Bay, before a flawless landing. It never ceases to amaze me how our wonderful pilots, Julie, Sebastian and Alan make one feel so safe. Its well worth coming to Colonsay, just to fly here.

Anyway, I digress.
Pretty Miranda came to knit the Colonsay Gansey. And knit she did... She also is just as enthralled with our wonderful wee island as we are, including meeting the sheep (who did the honours of allowing her up close and personal on several occasions) The Big Fella, was extremely taken with Pretty Miranda, I think we could have spent hours preening and stroking the sheep. But, we had knitting to do. 
Pretty Miranda was also introduced to 'May's Sugary Wonders and Gavalus Gavalar's fine coffee - with a wee spot of lunch too. The Pantry is a wonderful place where everyone makes visitors to our island feel SO welcome.
It was a pleasure teaching Pretty Miranda - we mused over tales of 'Call the Midwife' amongst all things 5 needles and motifs. And we munched our way through a veritable profusion of goodies.
Her journey home, to Cumbria was better than expected, as she travelled through tunnels of snow to arrive home safe and well...  We look forward to seeing completed, her traditionally knitted Colonsay Gansey in the near future (no pressure there then!) 

Kapitein and I have been in regular contact with Danger Mouse the Lonely Shepherd, who is currently on a major mission in Kintyre, tending to sheep, cows and all things agricultural. With the recent snow storms, he reported that the drifts were in excess of 60ft! He was without power for 5 days and informed us he was heating his remaining tin of beans on the dying embers of his last log, washed down with the last dregs of his home brew.
As the snow fell, the following morning, Danger Mouse opened his back door to find a huge drift! Not a good sign, and with 420 sheep out on the hill this was a worrying time.
The last we heard, only 71 sheep had been found alive and with lambing due to start, this will have a major impact for the foreseeable future. 
Like everyone else in Kintyre, Arran and the surrounding area, the snow brought havoc to their daily lives. Local stores and even Tesco had run out of food! 
So we do hope that Danger Mouse will be ok. We will keep you posted...


The Pantry had a very, very special, high speed delivery this week.
Gavalus Gavalar has been inspired, and started the 'Fresh Fish Wednesday'. With delightful hand cut chips. But oh dear, there was a misshap!
The fresh fish was delivered to the courier, but someone, somewhere, forgot to put it on the boat! With 36 hungry mouths to feed, what was to do! Well, the courier decided to charter a rib from Coastal Connection and the fresh fish was duly delivered to the Pantry and Gavalus Gavalar was able to deliver his much sought after fresh fish on time. Now that's what I call service. 
Gavalus Gavalar has also 'refined' his menu.  Kapitein and I decided to have a take-away. I was offered battered local Langoustine rather than scampi. I couldn't stop salivating, before, during and after this wonderful meal - topped off with hand cut chips and wonderful home made coleslaw... Mmnn, delicious. Well done Gavalus, this is a 'must have' for all those discerning diners currently here on Colonsay.

Colonsay in the grip of fear…..

It has recently emerged that Colonsay is in the grip of fear. An escapee is on the run and has evaded capture for several weeks now. All visitors and islanders are warned:

DO NOT APPROACH IF SIGHTED AND DO NOT TRY TO APPREHEND THE VILLAIN.

A call came in this morning. It was Miss Biggles all of a fluster. She had encountered a horned apparition, the beast as she called it, at close quarters and had only been saved by the heroic deeds of Diogenes – yes him with the rather unusual habit.

We immediately ran out to the Landrover, gathering some bits and pieces together on the way and we were off, down the road towards Kiloran as fast as we could. Alas, there was no sight of The Beast, none at all, it had vanished into thin air, shrouded in a cloak of mist and mystery.

After talking further at length with Miss Biggles we managed to get a good description and it became clear to us that this dastardly demon was trying to pass itself off as one of our flock.

A quick head count of the sheep and all were present, so it had to be an imposter….but where from we wondered. After detailed analysis there was only possible explanation..... no not the foul air that shrouded the mysterious dead fox incident on our wee fox-less island, no, this time the finger pointed, without doubt, to that even wee-er place of mystery and intrigue, across the shifting sands, past hangman's rock. ORANSAY.

So, on the phone it was to Reginald Sigmund Peacock Brodie on Oransay, who admitted that one of his had slipped out from under him a couple of weeks ago (in the Kiloran yard while he was adjusting his Horner (shears to you and me)) and had proceeded to run at speed towards the farmhouse, jumped the wall and ended up in Lovejoy’s garden – his pride and joy. After lying low until darkness and gorging on his prize begonias and nibbling his tender sprouts, thus endangering Lovejoy's  normally outstanding performance at the Colonsay Root & Produce Show,The Beast  moved on, heading west to the Township, the bright lights of Kilchattan (aka Tinseltown now that the visitors are here and the lights burn bright into the night, so very different from the nights that burn bright when the locals have anything to do with it, details of which can be found elsewhere in this blog).

The Beast – the impostor (courtesy of Mr.R.S.P.Brodie)                 A real Kilchattan Hebridean.

Can EWE tell the difference?

A striking similarity indeed, which just goes to show the fiendishness and lengths to which The Beast will go. Let me reiterate. This is not one of the Kilchattan Hebrideans (right). It is an impostor from Oransay (left) and is very, very dangerous indeed.

We think ewe will recognise the impostor immediately. Yes folks, it’s a her and not a him. Whilst both have dastardly horns and can attack at any moment, unprovoked and without mercy, the him’s tend to have really, really, big horns as can be seen below, and if viewed from the derrière you will notice a protuberance hanging between the back legs, swaying from side to side. This is usually about 16 inches in diameter and may appear to be contained within a fleece sporran of some kind (we did have to censor the picture of course for those of you of delicate  disposition, but I can confirm, first hand, that such proportions are not uncommon in these parts of the Hebrides).

Ewan-san - a Him

Now that we have established that it’s a ewe then we have decided that if all else fails then we shall send in Ewan-san our prize samurai tup who we are sure will be able to sniff her out within our wee 16 square miles and lead us to The Beast. He's a fine lad but we’ll have to keep him on a leash because if he were to get too close, he’ll curl his top lip and goodness knows what would happen next.

But first, there is talk of a posse being assembled to hunt down The Beast. Lovejoy has already volunteered to ride shotgun – at least I think that ‘s who what he said. He assures us he has a trick or three up his sleeve from his days riding the range and kneading his dough around the Jermyn Street camp-fires, that he can deploy from the  back of his trusty steed, Honda. All of the other fit men of the island have been called to arms and are due to assemble at Clearance House tomorrow, where they will be offered sustenance in the form of a slice of Mrs Beeton’s No. 2 home-made chocolate cake, before they head out into the wilderness of the reserve. 

With Danger Mouse the Lonely Shepherd away on a mission overseas on Nopub Island, Diogenes has been appointed guide and will lead from the front as usual. It is not clear at this time who will be following up the rear.

Go forth brave men and capture this Beast before it ravages and nibbles its way through all fine gardens and allotments on this wee island and, heaven forbid, gains access to hallowed ground of GC-HQ (the HQ of Colonsay's very own Gated Community).

Remember: until The Beast is caught and Mr R.S.P. Brodie is reunited with it and has caged it once more in a secure compound, calmed with a rendition of Ode To A Corncrake, then NO ONE is safe, NO ONE.

BE CAREFULL OUT THERE.